So how was your Valentines Day? Yep, the day which is copping a lot of flack about how hyped up and commercial it is and how it's just a rip-off. It gets more and more criticism each year. But really...
Who says you MUST take part in Valentines Day? Who says you MUST take part in Christmas or Easter or Halloween as well?
Yes these days are becoming more and more commercial each year. I mean, heck, I saw hot cross buns in the supermarket on the second week of January. I'm mean, are you serious? That's over three months early!
So why do you take part in ANY of these days? Are they good things to be involved in or just ridiculous over-hyped days and a waste of money?
There is NO law saying you MUST be involved in any day. So why do Valentine's Day? Most people will reply that it's all over the media and just 'the done thing' so I'll look wrong if I don't do something for my partner. Yeah that's true BUT...
What do you do for your partner at random times to show him or her how much you love them?
I don't mean routine things like a kiss in the morning or washing the dishes or putting out the trash. I mean REALLY doing something, like maybe the odd weekend away every few weeks or months, spoiling them with the a random gift of love to say "thanks just for being there for me". Maybe doing something they can't do for themselves and don't expect you to do from time to time?
If you answered Yes to any of the above then should you HAVE to take part in Valentine's day?
My answer is "no, you do not". You can if you like, it's your right, but if you want the truth about this 'day of love' celebration, it's that people who get right into it are often the ones who HARDLY do anything for their partners and feel guilted into grabbing on to Valentine's day to show their 'love'.
Yes, that's right. They are usually soooo busy with work or life or just 'stuff' they expect their partner to always be there, to do jobs and they take advantage of who they have. So when it comes time that that partner leaves them or runs off with someone else (not that I condone that) they're dumb-founded and wondering what happened. "Why did they leave me"?
"HEY NUMBNUT! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TRULY SHOWED YOUR LOVE FOR HER/HIM? WHEN DID YOU LAST BLOW THEIR MIND AND MAKE THEM FEEL TRULY LOVED?"
Yeah I thought so. Can you even remember the last thing you did like that? Maybe it was your wedding day, honeymoon or a few years ago when you were still showing respect or care for them, before you just expected them to always be there and do what you want them to do for you.
As a relationship coach, this is what I hear from people each and everyday. And it's not all from my female clients either. There are plenty of guys that have felt a similar way too but it seems the ladies deal with this more.
So now you may have an understanding why sooo soooo many people make a big deal of Valentine's Day and make sure they go to the extreme to show their love. Maybe there needs to be some boundaries set. Maybe there needs to be more 'US' time. Maybe even set up a date night every few weeks to get some time and energy back into who you both really are, not just two people working their butts off or being mum and dad instead of Jim and Joan.
If you feel like you have lost your identity then you need to get that back. Really enjoy each other or one day you'll wake up and look across your empty bed, scratch your head and wonder "where did it all go wrong"?
No matter what you choose to do, either have some 'extra fun' on Valentines day when it comes around if you already show your true love your appreciation of them or if you haven't done anything since the last one, you need to think about what you are both doing there in the first place. Make some changes to save what you have.
"IF YOU DON'T APPRECIATE THEM, SOMEONE ELSE WILL."
As for me, I take my gal out to do stuff every few weeks and it's fun and simple - movies or mini golf. Yes, we did do something for Valentine's day, the night before, so we could have a quiet table to sit and chat at and appreciate the night without following all the sheep on the actual night.
So when one of these 'special' days comes around, if you're feeling guilty and wanting to go that extra step on the day, maybe you need to look at what you have been doing for them the other 364 days of the year.
Have a fantastic day everyone and show them how you feel before you don't have the chance to.
So here we are. 2015. New Year. New Beginnings. Same Person...or are you?
How was your year last year? What rating would you give it out of 10?
If you rated it less than 7 out of 10, what happened to it? What could have gone better? How much control did you have over the way things turned out?
Like anything in life, each year is kinda trial and error for everyone. We do things that we may have never done before and see what happens. Maybe a new relationship? New job? Moved house or just did things differently to see what suits you better than what's been done in the past.
Some will say they didn't do anything differently. That's fair enough if you have had a great year every year. But let's be honest with each other here. Life is all about doing the best we can with what we have, isn't it? If it isn't then it should be. What other reason is there to living the lives we live?
"So what can you do differently THIS YEAR that you've learned from in last year? Think about this carefully."
Einstein is believed to have stated that the definition of insanity is to keep doing them same thing and expecting a different result. So with that in mInd, what can you improve or approach differently so the result is better than your past attempts? I'm serious here.
If you think this is just another year of getting by, or not really getting anywhere, then that's what you WILL get and keep getting unless you sit down and take control of what you REALLY do have control of. You may not have control over certain situations when it involves others but you do have control of how YOU react, how you perceive things and what you do so they don't have the same impact as the past.
I even spoke with a client earlier this morning who called me to say they have have set a new boundary in their business for people who thoughtlessly cancel their appointments at short notice. Originally, he called to complain about how this happens a lot in his business and how infuriating it is. Then he decided to think of a way of handling it. He will now email all his clients stating cancellations now need a notice period prior to cancellation. He has started his year by setting a standard for how he expects people to respect him and his time. Do you think he will still get cancellations? Yes, but not as many as he did last year or at least clients will still have to pay for his time.
This can be applied in your business, your family life, your friendships and, most of all, your relationships with your partner and yourself. Set standards, make boundaries and stick to them.
So as 2015 gets going, take some time out to get clear on what you can do or how you can approach things better this year to step things up and make it so much better than past years. It's ALL up to you and what you do differently.
You're not as insane as Einstein stated are you?
Have a great year and speak to you in the next post.
Jim Carrey's Commencement Address at the 2014 MUM Graduation Maharishi University
I wanted to share this with you all as this is one of the most powerful speeches from one of the most unlikely people you would that would be speaking it, Jim Carrey.
It was parts of an amazing speech he did early 2014 for the Maharishi University and hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
Its only just over 3 minutes in length and the transcript is below if you want to read long.
This is not my video and I do not own the rights to it or the maker which has his details at the end of this video,
The transcript from the video:
my soul is not contained within the limits of my body my body is contained
within the limitlessness of my soul
I've often said that I wish people could realize all their dreams and wealth and fame and
so that they could see that it's not where you're going to find
your sense of completion
I can tell you from experience the effect you have on others is the most
valuable currency there is
Because everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart
and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart
we're not be avatars we create we're not the pictures on the film stock
we are the light that shines through. All else is just smoke and mirrors
distracting but not truly compelling
our eyes are not viewers they're also projectors
that are running a second story over the picture
that we see in front of us all the time fear is writing that script
now fear is going to be a player in your life you get to decide how much
you could spend your whole life imagining ghosts
worrying about the pathway to the future but all there will ever be
is what's happening here in the decisions we make in this moment which
are based in either love or fear
so many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality
what we really want seems impossibly out of reach
and ridiculous to expect so we never dared to ask the universe for it
I'm saying that you can ask the universe for it
life doesn't happen to you
it happens for you
as far as I can tell it's just about
letting the universe know what you want
and working toward it
while letting go of how it comes to pass
why not take a chance on faith
not religion but faith
not hope but faith. I don't believe in hope
hope is the beggar. Hope walks through the fire
and faith leaps over it
you are ready
and able to do beautiful things in this world
and after you walk through those doors today you'll only ever have two choices
love or fear
and don't ever let fear turn you against your playful heart
If you click on the title at the top it will take you to the actual video on Youtube as well as you can watch the whole 26 minute speech in full if you choose to.
Have a great day whatever you are doing and keep growing each and everyday.
As I write this, it’s just under 4 weeks until the Big Red Man arrives with all his goodies, until we gather around the table to enjoy a feast of what we have put together for ourselves and the ones we spend it with on the Merry Day. It’s a joyous time of the year for most. For others it’s a very lonely, lost time in life. Now I’m not writing this to be a downer or to tell you not to celebrate it the way you should, having a wonderful day with the friends and/or family you love. That’s what it’s all about.
Christmas, as you know, seems to come quicker than a tornado out of the latest blockbuster movie The Storm. It’s the same date every year and has been for many years but we still don’t seem to plan for it until the last couple of weeks or even days, rushing around making sure we have everything ready for the big day.
Well as I said at the start, it’s less than 3 months away and as you start to work out what you’re doing, what to buy who and how much to spend, I want you to take a little time out for the people who may spend this day alone. A relative, neighbour, work colleague or just someone you may see around your area that always seems alone or down. Start to do this now. Even just a quick “hi”, a phone catch up or visit. If it’s someone you have known for a while, drop something off that you think they might like. Maybe an old photo that you know will brighten up their day or some lovely food. Say you had plenty left over and thought they would appreciate some. What about a magazine you have finished reading that they would enjoy reading as well. Possibly put a reminder in your phone to follow-up once or twice a month. What have you got to lose? You may actually learn something while you’re doing in the process and add something nice your normal day to day life.
The thing is, if you do this just shortly before the holiday period most people will usually say “no” as they feel like they are a burden and you’re just feeling sorry for them. No one ever wants to be invited to someone’s house because they feel sorry for them. I know I would never want an invite to a pity party.
If it’s a gradual thing over a few months then it comes across like you DO care and DO want them to enjoy the holiday season as much as they can. A lot of people have lost partners, family and friends. They may be from other countries and are struggling to start a new life here. With all the media hype currently about different religions and ‘foreigners’ we’re getting scared and disconnecting from each other even more.
Why? Because we think they may be strange? Maybe because we don’t understand them? Maybe because they aren’t a part of our own lives? Well geez, that describes most people’s family members I know so why not invite people into your lives so that you can connect with each other. Reintroduce old friends, family members or grandparents into what you may have planned for the holidays. They don’t have to spend the whole time with you but perhaps a couple of hours on Christmas Day. Maybe have them over for BBQ during the festive season or to see the fireworks on NYE!
There are so many opportunities. While most people are celebrating the Festive season at the end of the year remember there are many people who are quite alone, even lost in their lives and don’t want to bother anyone else at such a special time.
When you finish reading this, have a think of someone you could possibly make contact with this coming week, out of the blue, and surprise with a “hi”. Keep an eye out around your area, at the shops or on your way to and from work and see if there’s someone you could just connect with. You could quite possibly save someone’s life by being there at the right time. Do this a few times over the next 2+ months. There could be no better way to bring the real meaning of Christmas back into your own life.
Click below if you want to watch the Vlog version (Video Blog Version)
As you can see, the new JMC website is up and live so welcome here and feel free to check out the new look and features.
Some of you will be aware there was a new website built earlier this year on www.myjmccoach.com.
"So why another one" i hear you ask?
Well there's a lesson in my recent experience for everyone that could save you $$$ and I'm determined to share it with you!
I'm actually doing the rebuild myself. Unfortunately, as i mentioned before that I had one built earlier this year by a 'professional' web designer. It looked great but then they decided to take ownership of the whole thing until I paid additional money above what we agreed to. The brief was discussed in many phone calls but unfortunately for legal reasons, if you want to take it further legally it ALL has to be in writing.
So I wanted to speak about it in this newsletter / blog to try to protect many of you from what's happened to me. If you want to get a site built and are not sure what to ask for or what to do to make sure it's done correctly, I'm talking to you.
If I can pass on one message, it's that if you pay someone to build your website or do any work for you and you want ownership of YOUR creations to be in YOUR name, make sure everything is stated clearly in the agreement / contract, otherwise you're vulnerable.
The main reason for this (something I only discovered through my business coaches) is that if it's still jointly owned by them, they own your IP (Intellectual Property) and your site and can claim a percentage of what you make through your site FOREVER. YEP, that's right, they can just get up one day and decide they'll take what you earn from your hard work!
In business you must be thorough as you can't trust everyone. When I contacted this 'nice lady' to ask for my work to be transferred into my name like we had discussed (I'd only discovered it was in her name by accident), she went from being pleasant to deal with to a very nasty, manipulative person - demanding double the agreed price or she wouldn't hand it over.
As most of you who know me are aware, Im sure i can easily say I'm pretty easy and reasonable to work with but when taken for a ride, well... let's just say I handed it over to my business coach to deal with as I was livid.
There is a lesson in everything that happens to us and the lesson I take from this experience is that you have to set your boundaries and direction CLEARLY and IN WRITING, especially in business. The site may not look as flash as the last one but it's mine and it's safe from others who might want to take advantage of me.
So please be careful out there. There are a lot of wonderful people to help us and do the right thing but there are also selfish people who want to ruin it for others.
Yes, I am a coach and even I rely on the help of MY coaches to guide me and make sure things are done correctly and I'm heading in the right direction. This is what great coaches do, keep you accountable and on track, as my new motto goes...
Clarity - Confidence - Connection
If I'm able to help in anyway with your struggles or direction feel free to send me an email with what you're dealing with or call me direct on 0449 954 999 and we can have a casual chat about how to get you back to where you want to be.
Have a great day and stay true to yourself.
JMC Blog page
Most of these posts are written by Jayson Mair himself and based around relationships. If there is something you would like to know,feel free to email us here and we will do our best to get a post up about that subject.