A belief is a wonderful thing.
Everyone has them. We all live by them, consciously or unconsciously. But what IS a belief and where do they come from? When was the last time you checked to see if they are still serving you? How do the things you believe and expect affect your relationships?
When I Googled the word ‘belief’ it gave me two meanings:
I’m going to talk about the first one in particular here…
So where do beliefs come from? More importantly, WHO do they come from?
Most of our beliefs are created when we are young from the people who influence us the most - parents, grandparents and whoever we are exposed to most.
Then there are the beliefs that form from experiences that happen to us as we grow. Some are our truth, some our beliefs. As they grow in strength through things that happen to us, they then become part of our knowledge.
Some of these work. They serve us well and keep us safe from any harm or hurt.
Some examples like not putting your fingers in a mousetrap and never leaving your credit cards or wallet laying around in a public place are really common sense and will serve all of us most of our lives. Then there are the ones that served us well as kids but may not really be serving us now, like “eat everything on your plate whether you feel full or not!”
What is it that we are holding onto that is just no good for us anymore? It doesn’t really matter where the belief came from. What’s important is that we take some time out and ask ourselves if this belief is really helpful now.
There’s no question that the beliefs and experiences of two people can dramatically influence the dynamic in the relationship they have with each other. Sometimes that’s easier said than done. These are deeply personal and sensitive topics. Beliefs about gender roles, sex, parenting and money are particular difficult if both people aren’t on the same page.
Discussing and working through belief based problems with a coach who can give you a neutral and respectful place to be heard can be a great idea. The right coach can really challenge you to make sure your beliefs aren’t holding you back especially if it’s to do with relationships. This is one of the biggest issues I come across with my couples – mismatched beliefs.
As a coach, I will get you to question your beliefs. Not in a judgmental way or make you change them. That’s NOT my job. What I WILL do is help you uncover what you believe and get you to look at if particular beliefs are helping you grow and supporting you the best way possible.
So please don’t let unhelpful beliefs deny you real happiness. If you feel you aren’t getting what or where you want, take some time to assess your beliefs. You deserve the best in this world and if you discover at the end of your life that your roadblocks came down to just a couple of old beliefs that held you back, you’ll be so sorry you didn’t deal with them when you had the chance. Life’s for living, not for regrets.
Don’t end up like this guy below. Praying for things to change without taking steps to reassess your beliefs and make any necessary changes will get you nowhere.
Stay tuned for the second part of this “beliefs” discussion. Next time, we’ll talk about religious beliefs and how they too can play a big part in your most significant relationships.
Have a great week and speak with you next time.
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Most of these posts are written by Jayson Mair himself and based around relationships. If there is something you would like to know,feel free to email us here and we will do our best to get a post up about that subject.