So how was your Valentines Day? Yep, the day which is copping a lot of flack about how hyped up and commercial it is and how it's just a rip-off. It gets more and more criticism each year. But really...
Who says you MUST take part in Valentines Day? Who says you MUST take part in Christmas or Easter or Halloween as well?
Yes these days are becoming more and more commercial each year. I mean, heck, I saw hot cross buns in the supermarket on the second week of January. I'm mean, are you serious? That's over three months early!
So why do you take part in ANY of these days? Are they good things to be involved in or just ridiculous over-hyped days and a waste of money?
There is NO law saying you MUST be involved in any day. So why do Valentine's Day? Most people will reply that it's all over the media and just 'the done thing' so I'll look wrong if I don't do something for my partner. Yeah that's true BUT...
What do you do for your partner at random times to show him or her how much you love them?
I don't mean routine things like a kiss in the morning or washing the dishes or putting out the trash. I mean REALLY doing something, like maybe the odd weekend away every few weeks or months, spoiling them with the a random gift of love to say "thanks just for being there for me". Maybe doing something they can't do for themselves and don't expect you to do from time to time?
If you answered Yes to any of the above then should you HAVE to take part in Valentine's day?
My answer is "no, you do not". You can if you like, it's your right, but if you want the truth about this 'day of love' celebration, it's that people who get right into it are often the ones who HARDLY do anything for their partners and feel guilted into grabbing on to Valentine's day to show their 'love'.
Yes, that's right. They are usually soooo busy with work or life or just 'stuff' they expect their partner to always be there, to do jobs and they take advantage of who they have. So when it comes time that that partner leaves them or runs off with someone else (not that I condone that) they're dumb-founded and wondering what happened. "Why did they leave me"?
"HEY NUMBNUT! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TRULY SHOWED YOUR LOVE FOR HER/HIM? WHEN DID YOU LAST BLOW THEIR MIND AND MAKE THEM FEEL TRULY LOVED?"
Yeah I thought so. Can you even remember the last thing you did like that? Maybe it was your wedding day, honeymoon or a few years ago when you were still showing respect or care for them, before you just expected them to always be there and do what you want them to do for you.
As a relationship coach, this is what I hear from people each and everyday. And it's not all from my female clients either. There are plenty of guys that have felt a similar way too but it seems the ladies deal with this more.
So now you may have an understanding why sooo soooo many people make a big deal of Valentine's Day and make sure they go to the extreme to show their love. Maybe there needs to be some boundaries set. Maybe there needs to be more 'US' time. Maybe even set up a date night every few weeks to get some time and energy back into who you both really are, not just two people working their butts off or being mum and dad instead of Jim and Joan.
If you feel like you have lost your identity then you need to get that back. Really enjoy each other or one day you'll wake up and look across your empty bed, scratch your head and wonder "where did it all go wrong"?
No matter what you choose to do, either have some 'extra fun' on Valentines day when it comes around if you already show your true love your appreciation of them or if you haven't done anything since the last one, you need to think about what you are both doing there in the first place. Make some changes to save what you have.
"IF YOU DON'T APPRECIATE THEM, SOMEONE ELSE WILL."
As for me, I take my gal out to do stuff every few weeks and it's fun and simple - movies or mini golf. Yes, we did do something for Valentine's day, the night before, so we could have a quiet table to sit and chat at and appreciate the night without following all the sheep on the actual night.
So when one of these 'special' days comes around, if you're feeling guilty and wanting to go that extra step on the day, maybe you need to look at what you have been doing for them the other 364 days of the year.
Have a fantastic day everyone and show them how you feel before you don't have the chance to.
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Most of these posts are written by Jayson Mair himself and based around relationships. If there is something you would like to know,feel free to email us here and we will do our best to get a post up about that subject.